


lovers in the parking lot

by papertulips



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26291797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papertulips/pseuds/papertulips
Summary: The two of them, broken boys. One running away from love, the other burning with it so brightly he might as well rip the heart out of his chest and replace the sun in the sky with it.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Kunimi Akira
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	lovers in the parking lot

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by many solange songs and goodbye kisses by joe hertz  
> this could also be a result of my kunimi as effy stonem agenda anyways enjoy its happy i promise

_You’re a dancer, well I’m a spy,_

_It’s so beautiful to see you lie,_

_Are you having fun?_

  
  


When Tobio first tries out nicotine, his lips press against Akira’s fingers as he takes a drag from his cigarette. He coughs and Akira laughs, immediately bringing the stick back between his two lips.

“Now that you had an obligatory embarrassing first try, let me show you how to do it properly, okay?”

Tobio wonders if there really is a way to properly smoke cigarettes, since it ends up ruining a whole lot of things in your life, no matter how you do it. Akira would probably get upset if he asked why did he start smoking, but then again, why do teenagers do anything that they do?

Tobio inhales the smoke again, slowly, watching Akira as he watches him take a drag from the cigarette that he holds between his own two fingers. 

When he moves his hand away, he says, “Now inhale again, so it goes here.” Akira presses a black painted fingernail at the middle of Tobio’s sternum, right where his lungs are.

Tobio leans back on his elbows, looking up at the twilight sky from the hood of his granddad’s silver Punto, softly blowing smoke into the air. Akira pats his thigh in encouragement and takes out a pack of cigarettes out of his backpack, offering one to Tobio.

“I feel lightheaded.”

“Mm, don’t worry about it. It will go away in a minute or two.”

Sometimes I don’t know why we are still friends. No one likes me and everyone hates you. Maybe that’s why.

“Kageyama, I wanna tell you something. I feel like I’ll die if I don’t.”

Where they lie beneath the stars at an empty parking lot, Akira is smiling even as his hands shake and Tobio looks at him like he could say anything and he’d believe him.

“Last week at that party…”

In the club you’re too young for.

“...I kissed someone. I kissed a boy.”

“What?”

Tobio sits up and Akira follows him, the smile so easily faltering on his face.

“What _what_? I thought you were okay with me being gay.”

“I am… I just - do you like him?”

“Of course not, silly.”

It’s not the first time Akira’s words confuse him. Tobio brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them.

“How did it feel? I’ve never kissed anyone.”

Akira grins, always so sleazy. “Want me to show you?”

Tobio considers, then nods, and it’s not the answer Akira was expecting, if he was looking for one at all.

“Really? You sure?”

“I mean, it can’t be worse than cigarettes.”

Akira laughs and grabs Tobio by the elbow, dragging him to the backseat of the car, checking if there’s anyone around, but who is going to be out at two am except two boys sneaking out of their homes.

“Why would you want me to be your first kiss?”

Tobio looks at Akira like he’s speaking nonsense. “Because you’re my best friend!”

Akira furrows his eyebrows, pursing his lips in a way that makes Tobio even more curious.

“Are you sure those cigarettes aren’t still making your pretty little head dizzy?”

“No, they are not. Don’t be a coward.”

Akira wraps an arm around Tobio’s shoulder so smoothly, moving closer until their thighs are pressed together.

“I’m everything but a coward, baby.”

“You’re just seventeen, so shut the hell up.”

Akira’s jaw drops in surprise, but he still leans in further, making sure Tobio feels his breath on his skin.

“I wonder what that filthy mouth of yours tastes like.”

Tobio has a snarky comeback on the top of his tongue, but he bites it when his eyes drop to Akira’s lips, and the latter seems to notice. Akira stretches pink lips over teeth, and Tobio grips the seatbelt hanging by his side.

Tobio almost forgets he’s about to have his first kiss when Akira cups his jaw so gently with one hand, the other resting on his knee. He imagines himself melting under that tender touch.

Usually, Tobio would shy away from a moment of this type, but he tells himself that it’s okay, it’s just Akira. Akira is comfort, Akira is safety, he is gentleness reserved only for Tobio. 

And Akira tastes like nicotine and his favorite pineapple flavored Haribo gummy bears. Tobio isn’t sure what to do with his tongue and teeth, but when he cracks an eye open in panic, Akira is already looking at him, saying, follow my lead.

Tobio is scared to touch but Akira places his hand on his waist and smiles against his lips when Tobio pulls him closer.

* * *

Is it okay to want more once you get your first dose of the closest thing to what heaven feels like that you have on Earth?

He kisses Akira against his locker when the hallways are empty, and they’ve been spending more time making out in his Punto than stargazing at the ungodly hours. 

What if he’s addicted to kissing? Horrible. What if he’s addicted to kissing Akira? Even worse.

Whenever he sees him, he wants to press his lips on every inch of his face.

Sugawara says he has a crush.

“I don’t. And even if I do, Kunimi doesn’t do love.”

“Doesn’t _do love_? Who does he think he is? Love is bigger than us all, you don’t choose whether you want it or not. It’s present, everywhere.”

“I’m just saying he doesn’t date, he doesn’t show affection in that way and he doesn’t believe in crushes or whatever. Says we all move on from it after some time.”

Tobio sees Sugawara pinching the bridge of his nose over the computer screen. 

“I’m gonna have a headache.”

Akira sometimes tells him about how much of an asshole his dad is, and how his mom cries herself to sleep every night, in the same bed as him. Over breakfast, they either fight until a plate is broken or they sit in a torturing silence, and he’s never sure which one hurts more. 

Tobio knows love only in the form of Miwa and the girl she follows home every weekend so she’s late and granddad scolds her. She smiles when they text and makes Tobio leave the house to play or “something” when she comes over. He tells her that he stopped playing outside when he was eleven and she just glares at him

He wonders if this is what love feels like.

Akira never texts him, he prefers straightforward calls. He never comes over, they mostly hang out on the bleachers or at the parking lot. 

“It’s always the best to be honest. You’re close friends, tell him what’s on your mind.”

Tobio doesn’t have trouble being truthful, he sometimes simply isn’t sure whether the truth is the right thing to say. 

Though, when that evening Akira lies beneath him in the backseat, moonlight softly illuminating his cheekbones and exposing the messy eyeshadow on his eyelids, Tobio’s heart almost beats out of his chest.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Akira’s mouth opens, but he doesn’t speak, just laugh.

“What do you know about love?”

Tobio pouts, and he looks up at the sky through the window. 

“I know that I want us to be more than friends. And I want to hold hands.”

Akira observes him, amused, like Tobio is telling a joke.

“Kageyama,” he says, dragging the tip of his forefinger down his neck, “I could never love you the way you want me to.”

He says that, but then kisses him like he knows exactly what Tobio needs, what he craves but could never say it to anyone. 

“Why don’t you give me a chance?” Tobio asks once he stops his car in front of Akira’s house. Humming of the engine fills up the silence that tears through his heart. He can’t accept it.

“Because I don’t want to. Relationships don’t do any good to anyone.”

Tobio’s jaw is tight and he refuses to look at Akira. It feels as if the tears will come out of his chest instead of his eyes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow."

Shutting of the door makes him jump in his seat, and he grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white.

* * *

Akira continues to kiss him in the backseat of his granddad’s Punto, sometimes, when they are in front of Akira’s house, it’s even a press of lips with the intention of it being a short peck but it turns out into a clash of tongues and teeth that click together.

When Tobio turns eighteen, Akira comes over for the first time. Through the window. 

He carries a muffin in his hand with a tiny candle on top of it. He sits next to the sleeping Tobio, and gently shakes his shoulder.

“Happy birthday,” he whispers.

And when Tobio holds a hand over his mouth, toes curling against the blue sheets, Akira looks up at him from where he lies between his thighs with eyes that say _This is love_.

* * *

When Akira drags Tobio to his first ever party, he leans down to whisper in his ear, “This is what life is about.” 

Shades of blues and purples flash before his eyes and the beat of the music vibrates through his entire body. Tequila cuts through his throat as he sucks on a piece of lemon and catches Akira watching like he’s jealous of it.

“Wanna dance?”

Tobio shakes his head, doesn’t even consider it. Akira doesn’t try to have his own way like he usually does, just smiles at Tobio, walking backwards into the ocean of people.

Akira moves like the dance floor is his safe haven. He does that thing where he raises his hands above his head and tips his head back as his hips swing to the rhythm - it reminds Tobio of last night.

He watches quietly as Akira dances like he was made for this, downs another drink that makes him feel like every muscle in his body is pulsing. 

When he places an empty glass back on the table in front of him, a heavy gaze that makes his skin burn settles on him.

Akira’s arms are wrapped around broad shoulders, nose brushing the side of a stranger's neck as his eyes lure Tobio in. _Watch me, watch me_.

Tobio’s feet are faster than his brain as he walks away from their table and into the crowd. It’s hot and almost suffocating but he doesn’t care. Akira follows his every move, even as an another man presses his body against his own. It’s almost like he doesn't care, either.

“Do you wanna dance with me?”

A girl appears in front of him, her eyes are sharp but inviting, black hair spilling over her bare shoulders that are swaying to the beat.

“Sure.”

It’s a game of push and pull, eyes never breaking contact as both of them dance with strangers. Akira laughs when the girl plants a kiss on Tobio’s cheek and his entire face flushes. He laughs, too, when a more upbeat song comes on and everyone lets go of seductiveness and dances like nobody’s watching. The girl takes both of Tobio’s hands in hers and spins them around. He can’t help the wide smile that splits through his face. When they stop, they are both breathing heavily and he isn’t sure if he’s more dizzy or intoxicated and why it is so hard to stand on his feet.

His eyes search for Akira, and when they find him, he isn’t looking back. Akira’s eyes are closed, his lips attached to a pair of another, unfamiliar, ones. 

The game stops. Tobio’s heart leaks out of his chest, anger is stuck in his throat. He wants to cry, wants to scream but the music is too loud, too overwhelming. 

Akira’s lips kissing someone else. A stranger ripping the most beautiful flower from Tobio’s garden, the one he planted in his chest. 

Outside, it pours, and Tobio almost falls to his knees when the first breath of fresh air hits his drunken brain. 

“Kageyama? Are you okay?”

Blue meets brown, the gentle, honey soaked one Tobio rarely sees. A tender hand rests on his lower back. 

Don’t touch me, he wants to say, but his voice breaks into a pathetic whimper.

He jerks away and Akira looks hurt. You should.

“Why did you kiss that guy?”

“You’re asking me why as if I’m not allowed to.”

Tobio curls his fingers, knuckles turn white. Akira’s hands tremble by his thighs, unsure.

“I thought we had something special.” Tell me I’m not wrong.

Akira licks his lips, almost chuckles. “We just… we just hooked up sometimes.”

Tobio presses the tip of his finger into Akira’s chest, pins him to the wall with a single look. He’s bleeding, but he was never more confident in his life.

“You made love to me.”

“I fucked you,” Akira spits in his face. “What the hell do you know about love? You’re just a kid. We had this conversation once already.”

“I know that I care about you and that I want to be with you for as long as you let me. Why won’t you let me? Really?”

Akira swallows heavily, his eyes shine with tears beneath moonlight.

“You could never love me how I need you to.”

He doesn’t push Tobio away, he moves through the space between him and the wall, like Tobio’s skin will burn his if they touch.

That night, Tobio stops by Akira’s house even if he’s the only one in the old Punto. He lies awake in the bed, greets the sun when it rises. His lips are dry and his eyes sting. There are no more tears left to cry, but Miwa lets him shake in her arms.

Five days later, Tobio flies to France. He hopes that Akira is watching him take over the world. Maybe he will love him once Tobio makes a name for himself. 

* * *

The name Kunimi Akira lies heavily on Tobio’s tongue whenever he speaks to someone, whenever he drinks a bit too much. He adores the scotch, remembers how he could taste it on his tongue whenever he stole it from his dad’s stock.

Tobio spent five years doing everything so he wouldn’t have time to think about Akira. Yet, when he does, it only brings a smile to his face.

The two of them, broken boys. One running away from love, the other burning with it so brightly he might as well rip the heart out of his chest and replace the sun in the sky with it.

Maybe Akira was right, maybe Tobio couldn’t know how to love him right. Maybe they needed more than love to work.

“Good job out there,” Ushijima says, just like everyone else does. He knows it, that he is good. It’s probably the only thing he’s certain of lately. “Are you coming to eat with us?”

“I’m worn out. I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

It’s strange how he prefers to be alone lately. Usually he surrounds himself with people so he could forget.

“Sure. Take care.”

His car, a Mercedes that he purchased after a few paychecks, waits in the garage once he exits the gym. It’s dark in it when he searches for his keys in the bag. 

As his fingers reach for the door handle of his car, a strange voice calls out his name.

“Kageyama.”

Probably another fan that followed him after the match. The guy he sees approaching him has dark hair that brushes against his cheekbones. He hides his hands in the pockets of his jean jacket, and when he comes close enough, Tobio notices a silver piercing that shines on his septum.

“Do I know…” When the realization hits him, Tobio places a hand on his neck, stopping the pain from collecting in it. “Kunimi?”

The latter smiles, looking down at the ground. “Your voice changed so much. I missed it.”

Tobio grips the door handle. “What are you doing here?” You look so beautiful, so gorgeous without eyeliner smudged from crying around your gentle eyes, like the last time I saw you.

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“You had five years to do it. I stopped waiting for you a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s too late.” Akira takes a step forward and Tobio grounds his feet to the cold concrete - he won’t fall apart, not now.

“You can’t do this. I moved on. I’m happy. I forgot you.”

“Did you, really?” Akira’s teeth dig into his lower lip when he frowns, yet looks up at Tobio with hopeful eyes. He’s not the taller one anymore. “Tobio, I’ve missed you more than I could’ve ever imagined.”

Akira places a gentle hand on his elbow and Tobio’s skin tingles beneath his sweater.

“I was so scared, so scared you will be the last thing that takes to break me. I wanted to let go but it was hard, especially with having to watch my parents destroy each other every day. I didn’t want that for either of us.”

Akira comes closer, he places a hand on Tobio’s chest like he can feel the heart beating beneath his skin. Tobio doesn’t only let him, his own hand hovers over his waist before it finally fits perfectly in his palm.

“But love is about risks. It’s about sacrifice. You knew that way before I did.”

He leans in, just a bit, and the hair on the back of Tobio’s neck jumps. Akira has that smile on his face, the same one he did when they kissed for the first time, the one that says _I know you want me_.

“Akira, I don’t have the strength…” Tobio is scared to breathe, but he lets his eyes close for a moment before he exhales deeply. “...to fight temptations.”

Akira laughs, and Tobio’s eyes open to the warm sound, shared only between the two of them. He’s confused, unsure, but Akira seems happy, like he has nothing to lose, only to offer.

“Have me, just for tonight if that’s what you wish for.”

Tobio grips him by the waist, pins him against the car. His lips brush the smooth skin on his jaw and Akira melts in his arms.

“You want me to use you? To leave you behind when I’m done with you?”

Akira’s chest is heaving, legs spreading when Tobio nudges them apart with his thigh.

“I’ll take anything you give me.”

Tobio finds it hard to make his lips leave Akira’s neck once they get the first sweet little taste. 

“What is that you want, though?” Tobio asks, leans back to look Akira in the eyes.

“I want you to show me what love is.”

And love turns out to be a feeling somewhere between the way his body trembles with the first slide of bare bodies and the sensation of safety that overwhelms him once Tobio covers them with silky white sheets, holds him close to his chest where his heart beats soundly. 

Love is when Akira cries in Tobio’s arms the next day. It’s the way Tobio listens, the way he tries to understand. 

Love is forgiving. It’s healing.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> you are worthy of love. dont let anyone ruin love for you


End file.
